Thursday, January 16, 2020

All Fantasy Everything: Ep.12 – Cities for a Weekend (NBA Western Conference edition)

'All Fantasy Everything' is a podcast by Portland comedian Ian Karmel. Each episode Ian invites comedic guests to draft their Top 5 picks on a range of random, often silly topics.

Following in the footsteps of JJ Redick and Jalen Rose' selections for best cities to Champagne & Campaign in, I've excerpted the Western Conference destinations drafted by Ian Karmel, Sean Jordan and David Gborie. Sean and Dave were frequent guests in early episodes of the show when it was founded in 2016. They've since become touring regulars in the AFE family with producer Marissa.

'All Fantasy Everything' podcast (Episode 12: Dec 1, 2016)
Cities for a Weekend (w/ David Gborie and Sean Jordan)

Skipping to the end, the draft picks for each comedian went as follows:

Sean Jordan
1) Sioux Falls, South Dakota
2) Minnesota, Minneapolis
3) Las Vegas, Nevada
4) Deadwood, South Dakota
5) Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

David Gborie
1) San Francisco, California
2) Reno, Nevada
3) Denver, Colorado
4) Omaha, Nebraska
5) Arcana, California

Ian Karmel
1) New Orleans, Louisiana
2) Portland, Oregon (The "Rose City", Top of the food chain, Jewel of the PNW,)
3) New York City, New York
4) Austin, Texas
5) Chicago, Illinois

I've excerpted the NBA cities from the west which I'd been meaning to since I heard the pod in 2016. To this date I've yet to visit any of the five destinations below. Hopefully the spots mentioned for each city are still around by the time I come around.

Ian Karmel: First round, Second pick.
New Orleans (Southwest Division) 
New Orleans, Louisiana
IAN KARMEL: (22m 33s) I have the second pick in the first round for 'Fun cities to spend a weekend in' and as much as it breaks my heart to do so I can't take the Rose City. I can't go PDX up top. I gotta go with New Orleans, Louisiana. There's not a more fun city. Just three days! Four might kill you. 5 probably, definitely will.

Things they did once...
DAVE: I was walking down there one time [Exposition Blvd] and I stumbled onto a Jamaican block. It was crazy, they had grills in their trucks. Like meat, they were making meats. Yooo! This is lit.
IAN: I was just in New Orleans. I bought meat out the back of a truck, or the trunk of a car, not even a truck... he was selling like these jerk meatballs.

Neighbourhoods mentioned:
- French Quarter
- Bourbon street
- Exposition Boulevard
- Mississippi River

Dave Gborie: First round, Third pick
Golden State (Pacific Division)
San Francisco, California
DAVE GBORIE: (32m 13s) Honestly I gotta go with my second city, my home away from home. The Sucker Free, San Francisco man. It is the best freak town ever... I've never gone to a city and gone out and got drunk and been like "everyone here is gonna get laid tonight".

Things they did once...
DAVE: We started drinking at 6pm. By 3 o'clock in the morning I was bombing a shortboard down a San Francisco hill on the way to the beach and hit the tracks.
SEAN: I went to a spaghetti restaurant and got a 40 [malt liquor beer] with a spaghetti. That's fantastic.

Neighbourhoods mentioned:
- Chinatown
- North Beach

Ian Karmel: Second round, Fifth pick
Portland (Northwest Division)
Portland, Oregon
IAN KARMEL: (44m 57s) I'm gonna keep it West Coast and redeem my first pick. I had to get New Orleans cuz I was afraid it was going to fall off the board but I have to redeem myself to my home city, my people. The people of Portland, Oregon.

Things they did once...
SEAN: We went there [Fire on the Mountain] on the crazy-regular. Like that's how we would start if we knew we were gonna have a real fun night.
SEAN: I'm not a big strip club guy. Portland has the only strip clubs that I've ever been to where most of the girls dancing don't look like they're having a horrible time.

Neighbourhoods mentioned:
- Kachka (Russian restaurant)
- Paley's Place (Bar & Bistro)
- Ava Gene's (Italian restaurant)
- Bunk Sandwiches
- Fire on the Mountain (Wing joint)
Holman's Bar & Grill
- Wunderland: Cinema and Nickel games
- High Dive (Neighbourhood joint)
- Belmont, Southeast

Sean Jordan: Second round, Sixth pick
Minnesota (Northwest Division)
Minneapolis, Minnesota
SEAN JORDAN: (59m 54s) I'm gonna go with Minneapolis, Minnesota. Its always been my favourite city in general. Where I wanted to live, I wanted to move there but we used to go up for weekends constantly... It was the first real downtown we went to. That downtown actually has stuff going on. A lot of cities you go downtown and it'll shut at 10 o'clock or midnight or something.

Things they did once...
SEAN: This is a specific sort of weekend. For me, this is the weekend. You go into Fifth Element [RSE store] and you just look around. Maybe you see like Slug, a famous rapper in there.

Neighbourhoods mentioned:
- Emma Krumbees (Orchard Farm, Restaurant, Bakery)
- Green Giant Statue Park
- Juicy Lucy Burger in Minneapolis
- Fifth Element (Rhymesayers Store)
Deja Vu Showgirls
- Gay 90's
- First Avenue (Downtown Danceteria)
- Acme Comedy co.
- 3rd Lair (Skate Park)
- Dinkytown
- Mall of America
- Bde Maka Ska [Lake Calhoun]

Dave Gborie: Third round, Ninth pick
Denver (Northwest Division)
Denver, Colorado
DAVE GBORIE: (1h 29m 47s) I'm sorry to wait for the third pick for you guys. I'm sorry but with the third pick I made the earth sick. Denver, Colorado. Mile High till I die baby! It's the best. Here's the thing with Denver, it has everything a great city has and top of it the people are fan-f*cking-tastic...
It's a spicy town, it's a hard drinking town.

Things they did once...
IAN: It was the first major city to go legal weed. I got to be there for the last High Plains I did. Two, three years ago. It was legal there but not legal anywhere else yet which was fun. It was a fun time to be there...
DAVE: Me and you did that dab in some dude's office.

Neighbourhoods mentioned:
- High Plains Comedy Festival
- 16th Street Mall
- Elitch Gardens Theme and Water Park
- Fire on the Mountain
- Torchy's Tacos
- Voodoo Doughnut
Illegal Pete's

Explore links to other Champagne & Campaign recommendations:
- Former LA Clippers teammates Spencer Hawes and JJ Redick share their favorite NBA Road Cities
- Champagning and Campaigning in the NBA Cities: Eastern Conference edition
- Champagning and Campaigning in the NBA Cities: Western Conference edition
- Jalen Rose's City Power Rankings aka Black Guy City Power Rankings