Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Champagning and Campaigning in the NBA Cities: Western Conference edition

Memphis - #5 on Jalen Rose' "Black Guy city Power Rankings"
Continuing my roundup of Champagne and Campaign tips from Trip Advisor extraordinaire Jalen Rose, I present the Western Conference edition. Compiling these lists you come to the sad realisation that its a tall order to live up to. Without the NBA money and fame, the mentioned hedonistic pursuits are beyond reach for most civilians. At minimum an appetite for partying and indulgence is required to tackle the smorgasbord of delights.

'30 Home Games' will try its darndest. How much could you handle?

Denver Nuggets | 13: The Denver Nuggets Are in Decline
(9m 05s) You can't Champagne and Campaign without the NBA money...

In Dallas you can go to the "Adult establishment and have dinner all at once"
Dallas Mavericks | 14: Clairvoyant Bill Predicts Comeback Year From Dirk!
(11m 10s) ROSE: When you're in Dallas there's State income tax and when you're in places with no State income tax I figured out just like Las Vegas, just like Florida they tend to host some of the top Adult establishments...
SIMMONS: Oh for tax reasons really?
ROSE: To entertain for the Champagne and Campaign. Its a perfect time to give back to the community, to do charity work. This is the kind of charity Bill that makes it to the hood when you're playing in Dallas. Dallas is one of those places where you can actually go to the Adult establishment and have dinner all at once. Order a lobster or go well done. Go to a steak spot, normally they have good lobster. You can get two for a $1. Get dinner, get the entertainment. You can call it an early night.

Golden State Warriors | 9: Can the Warriors Win the Western Conference?
(10m 55s) In 92' and 93' I used to go to the top Summer Jam in the United States of America, KMEL. When I was around all my favorite artists who were performing from sunup to sundown, so we champagned and campaigned all day literally. That was Coachella back in the day. That's what KMEL Summer Jam was.

Houston Rockets | 8: Did Dwight Howard just make the Rockets a Championship team?
Video Down! (This video contains content from Fox who has blocked it on copyright grounds)

Rose in LaLa land with "half the beautiful people in America"
Los Angeles Clippers | 5: Are 'Good Times' Ahead for Chris Paul and Clippers Fans?
(13m 40s) SIMMONS: The only city to get two Champagne and Campaigns
ROSE: See the thing about LA coming from Detroit and loving to spend time in New York and Miami when you take a nap before you go out is that at 1:30 they cut on the lights and take your adult beverage . I'm standing around like "Its 1:30 the lights are on. You're going to take away my beverage and then cut the lights back off for another hour". But coming back to LaLa back in the day, mid-nineties. All hail, I salute you, The Century Club [closed]. If those walls could talk, man I tell ya.
SIMMONS: Where is the Century Club. What part of LA is it?
ROSE: The Century Club is in Beverly Hills. I think that's Beverly Hills
SIMMONS: Was that the kind of place you would have seen Dr Jerry Buss back in the day.
ROSE: Yes. Its the kind of place where there'd be a line around the corner. For everybody that's gonna hit me and say about the Geography and the street. I don't care! This is the whole point of this, this is the Barber Shop
SIMMONS: We don't want to be bothered by facts...
ROSE: Now one thing about LA people don't really realise. Its not big for the strip club. Los Angeles creates a different type of Business Card demo, why dance and get a couple of singles here when I can meet John Doe Actor or Actress and make millions
SIMMONS: The good news is you've got beautiful people at places because you basically have half the beautiful people in America here trying to act, model or doing whatever.
ROSE: So being in LaLa, going to the Century Club, Champagning and Campaigning - Holiday style!

Los Angeles Lakers: 18: Can Kobe Bryant Save A Mediocre Lakers Team?
(10m 45s) SIMMONS: Uber's [Transportation Network Company] the greatest thing that's ever happened...
ROSE: I don't go to clubs in LA, its more restaurants, Happy Hours, little off-the-wall little spots that play music, that got the DJ, stuff like that. Old man stuff in the West Coast in LA

Minnesota Timberwolves: 17: Rubio and Love Are Back and David Kahn Is Gone
(9m 13s) SIMMONS: You like Minnesota for Champagning and Campaigning because of the 3% chance Prince might invite you to his house to invite you to make pancakes?
ROSE: Correct. When you go there it's basketball season. Basketball season happens predominantly in the Winter. When you get to Minnesota, its Winter. Its freezing outside. Its too cold outside... Minnesota's one of the coldest cities that has an NBA team

Jalen Rose feasting on 'Gus' s World Famous Fried Chicken' in Memphis
Memphis Grizzlies | 11: The Championship Window Has Shut for the Grizzlies
(12m 30s) ROSE: Going to Memphis... reminded me of what Detroit used to be in a lot of ways. Going in Juke joints, playin' the Jukebox, eating good food, the people were awesome and welcoming and the seasoning on that Chicken was crazy... is there some way they can FedEx us some Gus's [Gus's World Famous Fried Chicken]

New Orleans Pelicans | 19: New Name, New Roster, Same Mediocre Pelicans
(11m 30s) ROSE: Big shout to New Orleans. Everything from Mardi Gras to Gumbo
SIMMONS: Unbelievable food, unbelievable nightlife scene
ROSE: No curfew
SIMMONS: No curfew at all. A few gentleman establishments, a Casino, a very diverse population
ROSE: Terrific music!
SIMMONS: Great music and they have a basketball team named after a pelican
ROSE: Ain't that something
SIMMONS: You don't have to rank it but is it in the Mt Rushmore for Champagne and Campaign?
ROSE: Absolutely!

Oklahoma City Thunder | 6: How Far Can Kevin Durant Carry the Thunder?
(18m 12s) ROSE: So what do you do in Oklahoma City? I got the chance to go there when the Hornets was there and Chris Paul was on the team and you know what I did, I got some rest. I actually got some rest.

Phoenix Suns | 29: The Phoenix Suns Are Tanking
(9m 40s) More athletes that have played for the Phoenix Suns have more restaurants than anywhere else in the NBA. Amare Stoudemire (Stoudemire's Downtown - Closed) has a restaurant, Dan Majerle (Majerle's Sports Grill). It's just a fun fact

Portland TrailBlazers | 16: The Blazers Are Better, But Not Good Enough
[No C&C segment but they do make a bet]
SIMMONS: I think Portland are gonna make the Playoffs
ROSE: I don't. I think Minnesota's gonna make the Playoffs. I think Minnesota is the better basketball team on paper
SIMMONS: And we're gonna bet a nice Lobster Tempura dinner on this - Portland Vs Minnesota
ROSE: And if they both make the playoffs we go on who has the best record

Sacramento Kings | 25: The Kings Are Now "Boogie" Cousins's Team!
(8m 26s) ROSE: [Imports!] The plane, the plane. You're right by LA, you're right by Oakland.
SIMMONS: How does it work when you import the ladies, do you have an assistant do the travel?
ROSE: It's 2013... ---- Censored due to Editor intervention ---

Tony Parker partying at his now-defunct club, The Nueve Lounge
San Antonio Spurs | 3: How can the Spurs Rebound from being a Rebound away From the Title
(14m 10s) ROSE: So when you go to San Antonio
SIMMONS: We spent 12 days there
ROSE: You get in the league in '94 and they got Tim Duncan in '99 you get Room Service and you go to bed. They had Tim Duncan and David Robinson, you're going to bed. They got a Hall of Fame Coach. You gotta get some rest in San Antonio and plus we went so hard in Dallas and Houston we gotta rest in San Antonio unless we got with Tony.
SIMMONS: I think that might've been one of the reasons Tony's nightclub went under. So he opened a nightclub called Nueve [Tony Parker's Nueve Lounge - Closed] . This was Tony in happier times, when he thought the Nightclub was going well.
ROSE: So the young lady in the black clearly left home to go to Tony Parker's restaurant, club or party. When they're taking the picture, why is she covering her face? I'll tell you why
SIMMONS: Why? I'd love to know
ROSE: She got a boyfriend and she told him she's going out with the girls. She didn't say she was going to Tony's spot and she was gonna be background music for Tony's pictures
SIMMONS: (facetiously) Good thing she doesn't have a tattoo that'll give away your identity.
ROSE: It was you!!
SIMMONS: First of all don't open a nightclub with your brothers.
ROSE: Don't open a night club at all...

Utah Jazz | 27: Are the Utah Jazz Any Good?
(6m 18s) ROSE: I didn't travel to a town and take a plane to another town, that was just doing way to much for me. When you go to Utah Bill, IMPORT!

Find Champagning and Campaigning posts here:
- NBA Cities: Eastern Conference
- NBA Cities: Western Conference
- Jalen's Black Guy City Power Rankings
Sydney celebration

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